I've been such a bundle of emotions as of late. I don't necessarily feel wholly free, even though I do enjoy where I am right now. It's almost as if there's something constantly pulling me back, an opposing force that's entirely oppressive, and it's hindering me from finding solace in it's pure form. I fear that the thing that's bringing me down is also responsible for 90% of my smiles and laughter, which sucks, and I'm in the dark as to how to fix this, if I even need to. I just don't know what to do! It's even harder because when I attempted to explain everything, I'd talk myself into circles. And, to top it off, I have no one to tell that could do more than listen. Constructive feedback is hard to come by around here. I'm just .. I'm just not used to being one of two things. Relationships are foreign to me. I can't keep things alive, especially if my countless cactus's, lizards and frogs are any indication. (RIP) Giving all of myself to someone, and then to take in all of them simultaneously, is tougher than I had anticipated. It's draining me, I think. Doing all I can to keep someone else happy might be standing in the way of considering my own happiness, so is it worth it? This is all very risky business!
People say when you love someone, you know. I'm still waiting for the memo to arrive. The thing is though, I don't doubt that it's on its way.
On a lighter note, I'm going to follow suit of the general media and give kudos to Jason Reitman for his wonderfully constructed blockbuster hit: Juno. Unlike many films about heavy, real-life subject matter such as this one, Juno was approached with a fresh outlook, and captured the emotions and attitude of teenage life with a twist bang on. Ellen Page has inspired me to inspire, and that's a seemingly rare feat lately. To sum up the movie: cute, refreshing, and uplifting. It gave me hope in the world of film again. Maybe I could be a director..
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