I guess I didn't know you as well as I thought.

Where do I go from here? Looking at my tear-stained face in the mirror, I asked myself that exact question. What can I do to fix myself?

I was doing so good. High school was fabulous, I was at the top of my game when it came to my social life and everything was breezing by just fine. I liked a boy, I had tons of friends and the famous five in particular, and I got the locker I wanted. I could deal with all of my classes and I was handing work and leadership fine. Then, suddenly out of nowhere, I hit a rock and things started to suck into a huge tornado of unfortunate events. Everywhere I looked disaster was multiplying. The boy found someone else and didn't bother telling me that the date he agreed to was only a friend thing. I've been feeling extreme hostility from a few kids of the quintet. As soon as something improved, everything came crashing down.

Then everything went blurry. I remember wanting to pull my hair out and almost succeeding. I wanted to cause bodily harm to someone. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to leave. I want salvation.

but who cares what i need!?

I'm tempted to give up on love completely. I mean, at least until someone falls in love with me, which is highly unlikely. Seriously though, things were going so well. I finally fell for someone out of the normal Tesla range, we were talking fine and getting along fine and moving forward and things were swell. I stood out in the rain for an hour and a half watching him play football. I was completely lovestruck. Then what happens? The girl in ELA that annoys me to death swoops out of nowhere and snatches him away. I would use the cliche, 'why do these things always happen to me?' line, but I know that there's no point. These things happen to everybody. WHY do these things have to happen though!? Why can't it just be smooth sailing from here on in? High school was so wonderful. I need Ashly, a mug of tea and a hug.

Update:
Everything's fine now, they broke up. Oh high school drama, lets be tight this year.

I can't wait until fashion tomorrow.

I've never felt so unattached to anyone before. I mean, I thought we were doing so good. Our friendship just transformed into velcro and I was viciously ripped apart and set aside. My heart feels so heavy. It would lighten the load if I knew you didn't mean what you said but I know you did. I'll probably never understand what you went through. I absolutely hate her, and I love you, and I never want to hear about her again. And you leaving is the icing on the cake. It's not just that I want to talk to you, I love our conversations and all but you smell REALLY GOOD. My nose is plugged from sniffling, I'm out of chai tea and new slang is giving me a headache. I guess it's that time of year to pull out the space heater again...

lalala

trembling willows in the aspen grove
shook silently, as we drove
on and on through the curtains draped green
it's hard to describe what it meant to me

the leaves sit tight, barely make a sound
until autumn comes and they fall to the ground