yeah, yeah.

I really couldn't tell you what I'm feeling right now. It's a jumbled up mixture of about sixteen different emotions and conditions, and instead of trying to analyze it, I'm just going to live it out.

At least I got what I wished for! It's raining! Hurray, hallelujah, happy happy. Except not really, a little while ago when it was still light outside, the sky looked so overcast and looming, gloomy, ominous, so goddamn SAD that it made me feel really crappy inside. I went to watch some boob tube and the crap turned to a real sour, bitter feeling, until I made myself some tea and stretched. Suddenly I felt much much better.

Weird.

I feel like I already have arthritis. My wrists are KILLING me, and I know what it's from but it's too hard to tear myself away from this pile of junk. I need to start packing soon. Speaking of looming, I keep stumbling over that huge pile of boxes in my dining room, and I know they're screaming for me to fill them up. I guess I do have some things that I could stow away for now, but I think I'm just putting it off with the hope that I won't have to pack at all.

Yeah, right.

Then again, this move might JUST be good for me. I get to start over completely, clean slate, no past. No nasty rumours, no resentment (I hope) and no more running into relationship baggage. Cleaner air, beach, new friends, new furniture. New house. Scary thought. New job, new new new. I'm a little terrified of losing my identity though, as strange as that sounds. Will I get caught up in the swing of things and try to revamp myself as well? I sure hope not.

Augh.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. That I'm over-thinking. Only time will tell, I'll make friends by being myself, life will be great, and I'll flourish there. I'll love it, just think of the ocean, it's way prettier in Vancouver. It'll be sooo great, you won't want to come back! I've heard it all before, and the latter is what I'm afraid of.

Oh boy.