je suis perdu

I don't know who I am anymore. Hm, that's a fairly bold statement. Maybe I do know who I am, but by contrast, I'm not the same as the girl I was few years back, and I don't like who I am now. It's recently dawned on me that I'm extremely boring. Dull, bland, vapid, blah. I have no drive whatsover to be creative or inspired or make a difference. I basically wake up to go to sleep. Intelligent thoughts and the occasional witty quip flit through my brain every once in a while, but they're so few and far between that I almost miss them on their way out. Or I can't hold on to them long enough to cultivate and expand on them. On the rare occasion that I aspire to anything more than the bare minimum of survival, I usually don't follow through with whatever it is, granted I even begin. I've lost countless friends, whether it be via distance or lack of interest or my big mouth. I'm more alone than I've ever been in my life, more alone than I could have fathomed in my wildest dreams.

This overwhelming apathy hasn't been enough of an issue to aggravate me to the point where I take action, but I've been slowly taking note of the progression of and it's getting a little troublesome. I'm unsure of where to begin tackling it.

I feel lost.