I finally feel like myself again.
All it took was the simple realization that I can't be in two places at once, and to seek and practice balance between the two places I call home. It was easier than it sounds, trust me. Lately I've noticed that balance isn't the most readily attainable, especially in the fast-paced society we've built around ourselves, but once achieved it can be effortlessly maintained. Maybe it's one of those practice-makes-perfect deals. I just know that I don't know how I managed to do it, but I did it, and I'm happy again.
It could have something to do with my recent acceptance of current technology. Before my mini West Coast holiday this Christmas, I refused to own and operate a cellular device. Downright blatantly refused. I was under the impression that I didn't need such an apparatus in my life, that it was unnecessary to have and a luxury for those who did. Plus, (and this is probably the majority of the reason) I could never afford to foot the bill myself. As far as music goes, I also didn't have a portable music player in my possession that was suitable to my needs before said trip. (Needs meaning much more space than the one I had owned previously) Considering the fact that I am terrible with finances, I was unable to save up enough to buy one, and decided to simply wait for one to come along.
Lo and behold - it did! Both of my deemed 'unnecessary' luxuries that I was doing just fine without (or so I thought) presented themselves at my feet. I'm a little ashamed to say that neither have left my side since they've arrived. I'm also very embarrassed to admit that both have brought incredible joy to my life! I had spent so much time and effort convincing others that I didn't need these things, and in one fell swoop, they had won me over. The phone especially, my little do-everything-er. I forgot how much I love being social, living through my close friends, conversing at all times of the day. It's an aspect of myself that I used to treasure, one that I had somehow lost in the the move back to the citylove of my life. Dr. TJ Eckelburg (yes, I've named my phone) has captured this quality of myself once more. Not only that, but he's hand delivered it to me, complete with bows and ribbons to rival Amanda's wrapping jobs, and has asked nothing in return. It's comforting to be able to rely on something that isn't made of flesh and bone for once. People tend to let you down a great deal more than plastic.
Finally, I've fallen back in step with my other half. It's been a long time coming, and a treacherous road to get here, but Tarla is back in action and raring to go. For a while there, I was worried that I had lost one of the most important parts of myself (no wonder I didn't feel quite right) and I was starting to lose faith in the strength of an unstoppable force. (How blonde can I be?!) I've now reached the conclusion that I worry too much, and that I just need to give time to where time is needed.
It's all about balance.
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